I wrote this piece earlier this year so for some of you it may be familiar. It’s one that I’m proud of and so I’d like to give it a permanent spot here on Substack. I know it does not capture all the complexity and nuance of intrusive thoughts but it’s a small piece I can offer through words. I hope it reminds you of the deep care and loving kindness our God wraps around us in these moments. O Infinite Father, you hold together all things by your word. You are creator of all the living and uphold them in your hand. By your very breath you sustain; You carry humanity. It is a holy and heavy task you have granted me— to care for and raise your littlest and most vulnerable ones, my children. My heart is burdened and my mind overwhelmed. When I look at the world I find no peace. There is war and famine and disease Dangers and accidents Hundreds upon thousands upon millions of potentials to harm my children. Each lurking in the shadows like a lion waiting to pounce and devour. My thoughts are reeling in an attempt to anticipate and avert each possibility. When I look at myself I find only despair. I know the darkness within that seeks to consume. I look to my own strength to hold my children’s lives to attend to their every need to bear their every burden I see the weakness of my own mind, heart, and body. My soul cannot carry what is asked of me and what is needed by them. When I look at them I see such neediness. They are fully dependent the moment they come into this world. Without a mother to nourish or nurture Without a mother to carry and hold Without a mother to rest upon and find comfort in My spirit cannot bear this weight. But o my gracious Father, let me look to you! Let me, your very child, rest in you as my Father just as my children rest in me Let me find my nourishment from the wisdom of your words Let me find comfort in your bosom where you hold me Let me know dependence on you, the sustainer of my life and my children’s lives— the burden of life is never mine to bear. My worry and the ache of my heart My anxious thoughts and failing body My pains and grasping will never add even a single day to my children’s lives— their life has always been fully in your gentle hand. The world and its horrors are ever present but never mine to carry and deliver. May I trust that you work to bring about every goodness in the world in my life in my children’s lives. I cry out for deliverance into you and rest in your loving, holy, protective name— Abba–my Father. As I look at you, my Father, will you train my mind to find its peace in you to find its strength in you to find its hope in you. Amen. This piece was originally published in Calla Press’ 2024 Spring Literary Journal which you can find here. You can also view it online here at Mothering Spirit.
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"Let me know dependence on you, the sustainer of my life and my children’s lives—
the burden of life is never mine to bear."
So important for me to remember to surrender that burden to Him - over and over again.